Letting it all sink in...

I went to the eye Dr yesterday.. & He is going to do surgery. I'm 50/50 on this. I know the first thing ppl do is look into your eyes.. So yes I've felt a little bad about my right eye. But if surgery will fix it.. then I'm all for it.. (50) Then I'm scared shitless (50)

I have a Neuro appt on the 13th.. & a psych appt around the 20th. I guess it takes all these Drs digging & probbing for me to live a halfway normal life huh?

Yea I guess so.. So If you are reading.. keep me in your prayers..

I've been home alone for the past few days.. My Honey is in WI on a business trip... And this is a first.. But it's great that her daughter came & checked on me & her co-workers have called from time to time .. So yes that makes me smile.. Even though I have wanted to talk to no one or see no one.. but it was all in love... so I guess I'm 50/50 on that too...

My mood today is dry.. but I wanted to blog a little...

Lots of thoughts..

Well first on my mind "Thank GOD" I'm not in the dumps today!! Yaay!

I was doing a lil reading this morning on Spike Lee's new movie ( 'Miracle At. St. Anna' ) from a Novel by James McBride... google THEM if you are not in the loop of African american movie makers on the Big screen... or Authors... song writers.. These two are like Whoa! I'm Excited about this movie...

Then comes to mind in a pissy way. McCain ! case closed!!!

I'm having coffee this morning and still reading up on some more things... but This coming weekend We'll have a house full of friends & hopefully good times.. My friend & I are celebrating 5yrs... it's been going on for a week ... I know she tries to cheer me up.. but... A try is better than nothing... unless it's in a passive way.. then I'd rather steer clear... I can be unhappy without any help. You know....

Ok I'll be back another time!
xDoll

Another day.. push or not to push.. that is the question...

I'm sitting here.. I usually chat with Mom in the morning but she's not on. She helps to take my mind off things... But .. Here I am typing away about my feelings.. I'm wearing a hat today.. I don't want to wear my hair out. I have an afro. With one hand I can do NOTHING. Well I do have two hands but one works.. go figure. My stroke happened 6 yrs ago.. & without insurance & fighting for SSD the Drs & PTs over looked me. Now the effects are really bad in my left arm & hand, shoulder.. ughh... So now I have SSD & the new Drs are looking at me like... "Well you know you should have had PT right after your stroke" and I'm thinking NO S**T smart ass.. & voice that Well when I tried to do that I was over looked when they found out I was a no insurance person! So.. here I am years later trying to work hard. Painfull PT & blind in my right eye. I push forward everyday the best way I can... It's so hard...

Ok moving on... Now my roommate has me running around for her today.. something she could have done lastnight but didn't.. QQn (looking) ..... I'm not sure who is reading this & it does make a diff to a point. But right now I don't care because I am having the hardest time in my life right now & I need to get it out..

I have a lot of appts.. starting with the Eye Dr next week... So Yaay! then I go to see the neurologist ... then I go see a psychologist .. go figure ... I went to see a PT who told me it's been so many years that I need splints... to stretch my hand back out & The tone is too great for this & for that... QQn ... so I'm just going to go with the flow.. & Pray along the way. Ok... whew.. I got all that out!

Life is what it is.. I've hated mine for 6 years.. so hehehe blah!

Why am I starting this blog??.... well

Lastnight I was up all night trying to figure a cure all for doing my hair with one hand. And my roommate just made it more frustrating than it already was. So I did a search & ran up on a blog that helped me cry it out & gave me motivation to blog my own thoughts. I don't like the fact I'm disabled. But it's a fact. Ppl around me.. who didn't know me b4 I got sick.. say there is nothing wrong with me .. it's all in my head. So after I look upside their head for a minute.. I say "Okay" and move on.

So this is just to start a blog of my feelings for a particular day. feel free to comment.. No abuse please.. it's not wanted or needed.